Brain’s worth
A Personal Injury Lawyer went to a store that sells brains.
He wanted to check a personal hypothesis. After reading a sign in the store regarding the quality of brains offered, he decides to inquire the prices of the different brains available.
"How much does a doctor's brain cost?" He asks the butcher.
"Five dollars the kilo."
"How about a waitress's brain?"
"Three bucks the kilo."
"And for a personal Injury lawyer's brain?"
"$1,000 dollars the kilo."
"Why so much?" Asks the confused lawyer.
"Well, you have no idea how many personal injuries we've had to kill to put together one kilo."
Tale of Immigration Lawyers
Immigration Lawyers do it with taste.
Immigration Lawyers do it with high self-esteem.
Immigration Lawyers do it to get to the trial.
Immigration Lawyers do it for justice's sake.
Immigration Lawyers do it for however long there is money behind the deal.
Immigration Lawyers do it for as long as it's legal.
Satan visits a lawyer.
Satan visited a lawyer. He was interested in making him a special lawyers' offer. "If you're willing to give me one major thing, I can arrange a very special deal for you. I can multiply your income by five or even six. This way, everybody will adore you, look up to you, respect you. You'll be able to take as much vacation as you wish. Nobody will ever call you a lying, cheating lawyer ever again."
"And what do you need in return?" Asked the eager lawyer.
"In return I need your wife's soul, as well as your children's and their children's. Their souls must prevail in hell for ever and ever."
After pausing a moment, the lawyer asked, confused, "What's the catch?"
Criminal Attorney Question
What is a Criminal Attorney? Redundancy.
Accident of a tax attorney
Did you hear about the Tax Attorney who was involved in a terrible accident?
An ambulance stopped suddenly.
Personal Injury Lawyers versus a Light Bulb
How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? Three--one to turn the bulb, one to shake the ladder and make sure the first one falls, and the third to sue the light bulb company. The first personal injury attorney will then make sure to sue the ladder company, as well.
Divorced Barbie
Did you hear they are now selling a new children's doll called "Divorced Barbie"? Yeah, it comes with a Divorce Lawyer and two thirds of Ken's property and alimony.
A defense attorney was driving a brand new Volvo
A Defense Attorney was driving his amazing, shining new Volvo. He was singing "I adore my Volvo, I adore my Volvo, I adore my Volvo." Not looking at the street, he ran into a tree. Surprisingly, the Defense Attorney survived, but his Volvo was a wreck. He cried, "My Volvo, My Volvo!!"
A man who was just walking by hurried to help him out. He said, "Sir, let me help you, you're bleeding. Oh, your right arm is gone!"
The Defense attorney, hysterical, yelled, "My Golden Rolex, My Golden Rolex!!
A Criminal Lawyer in a Cocktail Party
A Criminal Lawyer met his Surgery Doctor friend in a cocktail party. A man approached the doctor and consulted him regarding a surgery that didn't go very well the year before.
The impatient doctor answered him quickly. He then asked his criminal lawyer friend, "How do you usually react when people ask you for a consultation during a social event?"
"Well, that's simple," said the criminal lawyer, "I send them the bill in the morning."
On the next day, the Surgery Doctor hurried to his office to prepare the $50 bill for the man who had approached him at the party. On his desk lay a $100 bill from the criminal lawyer.
Personal Injury Lawyers: Guilty as charged!
In a cocktail party, a group of people were discussing the problems of
"Impossible!" said the crowd.
"Well, that is exactly what happened," said the man. "I suffered a personal injury case. My bill amounted to $120,000 with the lawyer's fee, the witnesses, testimonials and all. When the judge declared that I deserved $122,500, my Personal Injury Lawyer simply game me the difference."
Immigration Lawyers' Club
A group of crooks decided to break in to a lawyers' club. The old Immigration Lawyers fought for their life and their money. The crooks were happy to leave the place intact and escape the fight.
"We're not that bad off," one of the thieves commented. "We have $35 between the lot of us."
The eldest thief screamed in desperation, "We had $1,000 when we went in the club!"
A Beginning Defense Lawyer
A Beginning defense attorney took over his father's practice. One night, he came home happy as ever with some good news for his father.
“Dad, you'll never guess!,” he said, “I’ve settled for once and for all that old
A Defense Lawyer's Choice
On his death bed, a rich old man decided he wanted to take his money with him. He called the three people he had trusted most during his lifetime: his priest, his doctor and his defense lawyer. Here's $3 million. I want each of you to hold on to $1 million and put it in my coffin when I go. I want to take all my money with me."
After the funeral ceremony, each one of the three men put a package in the coffin next to the dead man. As they were saying good bye to each other, the priest, unable to hold the shame and guilt any longer, said, "I must confess, "I put only $800,000 in the coffin. I need to renew the loft in the church".
"I, too, must confess, priest," said the doctor, "I left the man $500,000, since I really need to redecorate my office and get some new equipment."
The defense lawyer was surprised at the two, and said, "The two of you disappoint me." I put the whole $1 million in the coffin, but made myself a personal check for the service for a full $1 million!"
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